Utilizing a complex mathematical formula, I have compiled a list of the ten greatest video games of all time. This isn't an opinion piece; this is just straight up FACTS. Onto the list...
10- Custer's Revenge
Custer's Revenge tells the heartwarming story of a white man's love for a Native American woman, and how nothing is going to stop him from getting to know her. It is a beautifully rendered game that really speaks on the importance of sexual consent, and sheds quite the necessary spotlight on the fragile relationship between white people and Native Americans.
9- Hotel Mario
8- Sonic the Star Hunter
You ever heard the phrase "it takes a fan to make a stand out project?" Look no further than Sonic the Star Hunter for the greatest proof possible. This amazing game really shakes up the Sonic formula, putting the platform back into platform gaming. And who can forget that amazing sound design?
7- Super Star Wars 8: The Last Jedi
In a move that shook the gaming world, Disney managed to team up with Ubisoft to not only bring the ENTIRE Super Star Wars franchise into digital formats, but they started making NEW games in the franchise. Of all the games they made, however, none can compare to Super Star Wars 8: The Last Jedi. With escort missions galore, blind jumps, brilliantly difficult AI, and an Easy Mode that makes Elden Ring look like Hello Kitty, this really is the Dark Souls of Star Wars games. As if we weren't spoiled enough, the game also has a Gacha system, with one of the potential rewards being an alternate Luke Skywalker mode!
6- Doubt: Flynn's Revenge
To this day, the gaming world remains SHOOK over how expertly crafted this video game turned out to be. It really is unbelievable how well the dramatic story of Doubt translates into the Beat-em Up genre. And the voice acting? It would have been enough to just have sound bytes ripped from the movie, but no! They got the ACTORS into a studio to record all new lines for the game, including bonus scenarios for the Perfect Ending that put to rest the ambiguity of the original play and movie!
5- Christian Weston Chandler's Adult Chronicles
Artist, writer, spokesperson, musician, Internet sensation, entrepreneur, ladykiller- and with this game, we can add game developer AND Golden Joystick winner to Christine Weston Chandler's MASSIVELY impressive resume! Masterfully mixing RPG elements with Platforming mechanics, with tons upon tons of sidequests, CWC's Adult Chronicles was EASILY one of the greatest games of the 2010's! Their mother must be so proud...
4- The Room: The Game
When Tom Fulp announced he and his team were making a video game adaptation of The Room, the Internet broke. How can anyone, ANYONE AT ALL, manage to translate the single greatest movie of all time into a video game? Well, believe it or not, he didn't do it alone: Tommy Wiseau himself paid for the BEST programmers in the world, out of his own pockets. The end result: a video game so big, it STILL holds records for biggest pre-sale numbers all over the world!
3- Garfield Kart
Proving once and for all that there are still new ideas out there, Garfield Kart is a mindblowingly original game. I mean, think about it: a RACING game? Featuring mascot characters?? And you can use POWER UPS??? No one's EVER done that before! Man, if only other companies would take note, like maybe Sega! Yeah, they could make a racing game starring their best characters, like Sonic! Or...what if Nintendo tried their hand at this formula??? Yeah, imagine MARIO of all characters driving around in a little kart! It could happen!
2- Bebe's Kids
Double Dragon? River City Ransom? Battle Toads? Final Fight? Streets of Fury? Captain Commando? Strider? Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage? Spider-Man and Venom: Separation Anxiety? Pirates of Dark Water? Nah, fam; THIS is the best Beat-em Up on ANY 16-bit console!
1- Triangle Wars
Is it REALLY an arcade if there isn't at least ONE Triangle Wars cabinet? IS IT??? What kind of APRIL FOOLS!!!
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