Princess Peach versus feminism- is the Princess as bad as they claim?

Feminists hate her. She's the quintessential damsel in distress. She's weak, can't fight very well, extremely girly, blonde, and wears a lot of pink. She's Princess Peach. 

And upon seeing this, the feminists reading my blog have just puked in their mouths.

We've all heard the criticisms. "Peach is anti feminist because she has no character", "Peach is the ultimate example of a weak woman." To be sure, no one can ever claim that Peach is a feminist icon. When you get down to it, Peach is a distressed damsel, someone that needs to be rescued (constantly). You can make the claim that this is harmful to women in gaming, and honestly, that's not entirely wrong. A character that is constantly getting kidnapped does seem weak, and to have her be not just a female, but also the major female character in a series that otherwise lacks them, it doesn't look good. But! We also need to take a step back and look at things from a wider perspective.

First off, we need to analyze who it is that kidnaps Peach all the time. Is it a witch? Is it some loony guy that makes robots all the time? Is it a gang of street thugs? Nope. Peach is constantly kidnapped by a giant, spiky shelled, fire breathing turtle-dinosaur hybrid and his army of flying turtles, bipedal turtles, turtles that ride on clouds and create spiny beasts out of thin air, magic using turtles, and walking chestnuts that bite.

Great Demon King Koopa. Also known as Bowser, King Koopa, King Bowser Koopa, or just Koopa.

I know what you're thinking. "Hey, what's up with that? Those guys look like wimps!" And you're right, they don't look threatening. But let's put some perspective here. These guys can survive being thrown into lava (constantly), they use magic, they have flying machines, and cannons. Do you know what Peach's kingdom, the Mushroom Kingdom, has to defend against these guys?

"We'll beat the Koopa Troop with hugs and kisses!"

Those are called Toads, short for toadstools. And like their princess, they also get kidnapped a lot. To be sure, some of them can help out the princess, but generally, these little guys are just ordinary, tiny mushroom people. They can't jump very high, they are not very strong, and generally they'd get their butts kicked by the Koopa Troop. You know, when most of your subjects look like that, is it any wonder why Peach is always getting kidnapped?

And speaking of Peach, let's look at her again. Again, Peach is physically weak. She can't punch very well, her dress impedes any kind of fighting, and she has no magic, unlike other certain video game princesses. And you know what? That's not very good when you're always getting kidnapped. Some people might even go so far as to say "Dammit Peach, you got kidnapped again! Learn some Kung Fu or something!"

Except...

Dammit, look at Bowser again! No, seriously, look at him. That is an eight foot tall turtle-dragon monster that spits out fireballs, can jump well over twenty feet in the air, can survive lava like it's nothing, and has an entire army at his disposal! You know what else? He has control over an army of Ghosts as well, and skeletons.  A little Kung Fu isn't going to stop this guy.

You know what? Violence isn't always the answer, and against Bowser, it's not a choice unless you have the power to match his. And very few people in the mushroom kingdom do. In fact, Mario and Luigi may well be the few people who have the power to go toe to toe against this brute, and Bowser can beat them in one hit! (Two or three if either one has any powerups, depending on how the game works)

A common criticism against Peach is that she is a passive character, one who has neither autonomy nor agency. And in all honesty, this is not a baseless claim. Peach is, for all intents and purposes, a passive character who, not to claim she allows herself to get kidnapped, does wait patiently for her hero to come rescue her while making little to no notable effort to get herself out of this predicament. When was the last time Peach has attempted to get herself out of Bowser's dungeon? When has Peach attempted to fight off Bowser? Peach is very passive, and this is a fact.

BUT!

This should not be seen entirely as a negative. Again, I point to the power discrepancy between Bowser and Peach. Bowser is stronger than Peach, simply put. Let's take a step back now, and apply a little real world logic. Someone, and to be equal opportunity here let's say it's a woman, has a gun pointed directly at you. You are her hostage, and she WILL shoot you if you step out of line, but she hasn't yet because you are more valuable to her alive than dead. What do you do? I can already hear the macho morons out there chuckling, mentally masturbating to the idea of simply going Rambo on her, yanking the gun away from her like an action movie star. But this isn't an action movie, it's real life. Bam, you died. And you know why? Because she had a gun, she had it pointed at you, you moved, she shot you. Boom, you died because you're a moron. When you're faced with something as life threatening as this, you don't go around acting all Rambo. You're not Vin Diesel, you're not Sylvester Stallone, you're not Samuel L Jackson. When you're a hostage, you stay calm, stay quiet. You do what the hostage taker tells you to do (within reason), but you never panic. You can humanize with the hostage taker, but when he or she is angry and pointing the gun at you, you do not act the hero, because you're not.

When you really think about it, Peach is a hostage, but she's damn good at dealing with being one. I know what some of you are thinking, "that's awful!" But think about it. Peach always keeps calm when she's being detained. She stays out of Mario and Luigi's way when they come to rescue her, which is what hostages should do when a rescue attempt is made. When she is finally found, she is always unharmed, which speaks either very well of Bowser's treatment of Peach, Peach's skills at handling being a hostage, or both. Most importantly, Peach always keeps a positive attitude. She knows Mario will save her, so she remains calm. She does not despair. She also helps Mario whenever she sees a window of opportunity to do so. For example, in Super Mario World, Peach supplies Mario with a power mushroom every chance she gets, which helps Mario fight off Bowser, and in turn, rescue her.

I am reminded of a very common Copypasta (something written on the internet that is copy and pasted constantly) that compares Bella Swan from Twilight with Hermione Granger from Harry Potter. The idea behind the copypasta is to compare Bella unfavorably with Hermione. Here it is:

Now, here's the thing. Harry Potter is an adventure series about three kids (teens in the latter books) who go off to fight the wizard version of an immortal Adolph Hitler. Twilight is a love story about a 17 year old girl who meets a vampire, falls in love with him, and after three books, marries the guy and almost dies delivering the guy's half human vampire baby. The comparison is unwarranted and unneeded. You can not compare Hermione Granger with Bella Swan any more than you can compare Don Quixote with Gandalf. When you get down to it, people compare Bella unfavorably with Hermione Granger simply because Hermione, to them, represents female strength while Bella represents female weakness.

Likewise, people compare Peach to female characters that better represent the feminist ideal of a strong woman. Peach is often compared to women like Elena Fisher from Uncharted.

Or to Lara Croft, from Tomb Raider.

And even to Samus Aran from Metroid, another Nintendo character.

Underneath this super powered armor is a woman. This was a huge deal back in the 80's. It still is.

The problem with this comparison is that, like Hermione vs Bella, it's an unfair comparison. Samus is an intergalactic bounty hunter who hunts down evil aliens. Lara Croft is an international tomb raider, who has gone against several supernatural enemies and is consistently armed to deal with them. Elena Fisher is a reporter with experience in handling firearms, specializing in war stories. These three women deal with danger because their lives constantly revolve and involve danger. But most importantly? Lara Croft chooses to go raid tombs. Samus Aran chooses to go after aliens. Elena Fisher chooses to go to war zones and follow Nathan Drake. Peach does not choose to be kidnapped, it happens to her.

And people choose to criticize her. They choose to see her as weak just because she's not Elena Fisher, Lara Croft, or Samus Aran. "If Bowser kidnapped Samus, she'd blast his face off." "Bowser kidnaps Lara. Lara takes out rocket launcher. Lara 1, Bowser 0." 

Lara Croft is a tomb raider. Samus Aran is an intergalactic bounty hunter. Elena Fisher is a war reporter. Peach is a princess. Peach does not have a rocket launcher, she does not have super alien armor, nor does she even wield guns of any sort. All she has to defend herself is a frying pan, a parasol, and a special wand that weaponizes her emotions. But you know what else she has? She has a spirit that can not break. She'll always have a smile on her, she'll always keep her head up high. She may be kidnapped constantly, she may spend more time as a hostage than is healthy, but this will not break her.

Strength does not always mean being able to shoot down a thousand demons in fifteen seconds. A strong woman is not necessarily the one who climbs the mountains of Tibet with a six shooter while tracking down a Russian warlord. Sometimes the stronger woman is the one who can not be broken by some of the worst things that can happen to her. Sometimes, the stronger woman is the one who keeps her head up high while she awaits rescue from the people who can handle the danger better. Sometimes, the woman who kept her cool while she was held hostage is just as strong as the SWAT member that rushed in to save her.

People like Peach and Bella get criticized for being male dependent. Peach is criticized because she needs Mario to get her out of scrapes, while Bella needs Edward to defend her against vampires. What few people recognize is that asking Peach or Bella to handle themselves in these situations is asking too much. Peach can't handle Bowser because she is not equipped to deal with him. Bella can't deal with the vampires because she's just a normal human being. Peach is not Lara Croft. Bella is not Hermione. And we are not Samuel L Jackson. Just because we do not have the strength to fight off enemies, does not mean we are weak. To say that a character who needs rescue is weak is a gross disservice to not just that character, but to the seriousness of the situation, as well as an insult to the rescuer. Perhaps the reason people hate Peach and Bella do so because they see themselves in these characters, but do not wish to do so because they do not want to admit to being 'weak'. They'd rather live with the dangerous delusion that they are Lara or Hermione. But when the time comes to show the world just how 'strong' they are, you are guaranteed that they will not be Lara or Hermione. There is no shame in needing a rescue every now and then.

For more information about what to do in case you are ever taken hostage, I provide this link: http://www.wikihow.com/Survive-an-Abduction-or-Hostage-Situation