The day I quit SMITE

 One of the hardest lessons you learn in life is that you gotta do what you gotta do to protect your mental health, but sometimes that means quitting something before it destroys you. This is the story of why I quit SMITE, as well as playing PVP online.

It was November of 2021, and I had decided to entertain myself with a few games of SMITE. I opted to play a casual PVP match as Morgan Le Fay, determined to get my first win with her. Yes, you read that right; I had yet to win with Morgan Le Fay in SMITE. Anyway, I was queued up with a Kuzenbo and some other god I've forgotten.

The game was so-so; we were winning at first, but there came a time when the enemy team was not only catching up, they were beating us rather handily. Then, at the final play, I'll admit to making a mistake: I focused the tank. Then everyone died, the enemy team won, and that was it.

Normally I can shrug off a defeat, admit my mistakes, and say "I'll do better next time." But no; the Kuzenbo decided that was a good time to start giving me grief about our defeat. He threw insults at me, landing the defeat squarely on me, saying I should uninstall the game and quit life, the works. And, well, that got to me, so I quit the game.

And by quitting the game, I mean I legit quit the game; I uninstalled,  deleted my files, even removed SMITE from my Steam account. As far as I cared, my days playing SMITE were at an end. 2014-2021, those were the years I played the game.

Now some of you might be going "well you threw the game, so he was right to be mad!" OK then, he was right to be mad. Not saying he wasn't, not saying he had any obligation to not be a dick about losing a casual PVP; we all have times when we get mad at losing a game. 

This isn't about him, though, it's about me. I decided to quit the game because, in that one moment, I realized that this toxicity was affecting me negatively. The guy was taking out his angers and frustrations at losing the game on me, and while I was receiving that bullshit, a lightbulb turned on in my head: all this anger and vitriol over a ridiculously low stakes match? A match that would be forgotten about in a day and a half? A match that was only for fun and had no tangible rewards to speak of!?

And why, why would I let myself be spoken to in such a manner over losing a GAME!? A game, dude! That we play to pass the time! And I'm over here, losing my peace of mind, over this!? FUCK IT!

Therein lays the real reason why I deleted the game: it was perturbing my peace of mind and damaging my mental health. As much as I liked playing SMITE, I knew that I couldn't keep exposing myself to this constant toxicity. I know I'm not the best player; I make my mistakes, I lose games, and I can't win them all. But I shouldn't be treated like garbage for it.

I was once taught "you are what you react to." After a whole decade of growing thick skin, I finally realized that the best thing I could do for myself is to remove myself from these situations. And I know I'll be given shit for it, but I don't care.

I did what I did for me, and I owe nobody an explanation for that. Besides, what loss was there? SMITE lost a bad player, and I put down a bad game. Everyone won!