We gamers, sometimes, tend to feel a little lonely. We often feel like we are missing something, missing someone. The loneliness gets to us, and so we keep on immersing ourselves in our hobby to dull out the pain and sadness we feel. But sometimes, we do something that, to avoid sugarcoating it, is just plain sick: We take a waifu.
Yes, this guy is, in fact, sleeping with a picture of a fictional character, made a Facebook account for said character, and entered into a relationship with this character. I really hope this is fake. EDIT October 10 2018- It has come to my attention that this photo is NOT fake and the person pictured has spent time in jail for possession of child porn. I do NOT support that shit.
A waifu (pronounced wife-ooo) is a fictional female character, often derived from Anime or video games, that a male (or lesbian) feels such a strong emotional attachment to, that he (or she) enters a make believe relationship with her. Yes, there is a male equivalent for male characters, hasubando. (Pronounced hus-oo, bahn-doh)
Let's be clear about one thing here. I am in no way, shape, or form, bashing people who find Anime and video game characters to be attractive. They are designed that way, and if you find them attractive, then that means that the designer has accomplished his/her mission.
Pictured above: Vert from Hyperdimension Neptunia. If you find her sexy, pat her designer in the back.
Sometimes our attractions become emotional. We become attracted to a character because she/he just appeals to us that much. For example, Tidus from Final Fantasy X has so many fan girls because he is the representation of the kind of boyfriend they'd like: happy, carefree, someone to lighten them up and bring them out of the rut and put a smile on their faces, someone who'd walk the ends of the Earth with them. Likewise, many men found themselves attracted to the character of Lilly Satou from Katawa Shoujo (That is the one game I have referenced the most in this blog up until now, for good reason) because she is classy, composed, understanding, sweet, nurturing, horny as fuck, and demure. And in all honesty, that can also be seen as a triumph of the designers. We connect with these characters on an emotional level because they resonate with us. And this is nothing new, because for centuries, people have been doing it with Literature. (There is a reason why Severus Snape has so many fans, after all)
The problem is not that we find the character attractive, either physically or emotionally. The problem comes with how attached we become to these characters. People, and this especially includes us geeks and gamers, sometimes become so attached to a character that they start wishing the character were real. I've seen it happen before. In fact, here's a video:
Rin Tezuka is a fictional character from Katawa Shoujo. This guy is in love with her.
Why do we do it? Do these characters truly resonate so much with us that we forego actual relationships in order to pursue this fantasy? I have written about this before on my blog, it's the entry on Second Life, which you can find on the August 2013 entries, but it needs repeating. Sometimes, life just plain sucks. We want to escape the pain that is life, to dull it out, and so we dive into escapist entertainment. Video games and anime are no different.
There is a genre of gaming that specifically caters to the people who wish they could enter a romantic relationship. This genre is called the "Dating Sim". The basics of a dating sim are: you meet a girl or guy, romance the character by showering him/her with gifts, enter a relationship, and before the game ends, have sexual relations with him/her (not all dating sims have sex scenes, though). And honestly, that's what video games are for, to give the player a new experience that you can't get from television, books, or sometimes, real life. In a video game you can shoot Nazis, explore outer space, conquer nations, become a Legend, and thanks to Dating Sims, date a high school girl.
But again, like I said on my Second Life blog, escapism is unhealthy. You need to go out there and deal with what's causing you pain, instead of running away from it.
Thing is, loneliness is difficult to deal with. It's that feeling you get, sitting alone in your room, playing away on your console or computer, and somewhere, in the deepest part of your inner being, you hear that awful echo: no one loves me. I am unlovable. When you repeat these words to yourself, you feel a part of you die. I am being literal here, you do indeed feel a part of you die. This is especially hard for us who already suffer from low self esteem, who already have it so ingrained into our minds that we are worth less than everyone else, which then gives way to one of the worst thoughts anyone can ever have: I am not worth loving. I have no words to just how awful it is to think that, so please, trust me on this one.
We turn our self worth to an outside source. We seek validation from something else, someone else, that is outside of us. But because we fear getting hurt, we turn to characters that resonate with us, and in turn we seek our validation from the fantasy. Suddenly, someone thinks like this: No one in real life loves me, but Edward Cullen does. Or: The only person in this world who has ever loved me is Fluttershy, and I love her back.
There are, indeed, people that are romantically attracted to this cartoon pony.
We often neglect our emotions, sometimes even ignoring them outright. This is especially true for men, who are taught by society that emotional men are weak and worthless. We are taught, since we were boys, to never cry, to show emotion only to our dogs and never to our friends. Feminism is out there trying to teach men that it is OK to be vulnerable, to be emotional, to cry. I believe both are wrong. I believe that what men need to be taught is to understand their emotions and control them. I believe that a man who cries at any little thing is a wimp, because a real man is a pillar of strength, someone who can be looked up to and counted on.
Perhaps waifus (and hasubandos, to be fair) are symptomatic of a bigger problem. Perhaps the problem is that we just keep piling up the things that keep us down in life, and the only way we deal with them is via escape. And that's what a waifu is, when it all comes down to it. It's an escape, a fantasy that we use to numb the pain that comes from our inability to cope with real life. We stop growing as people, because we prefer to grow the fantasy.
Yes, real relationships can hurt. Guess what? That's the point. Love is supposed to hurt, because it is from this pain that we grow stronger. We are supposed to make mistakes, to date the wrong people, because that's how we learn and grow. We need to recognize this, that it is OK to be hurt and feel hurt, but that we also need to learn to move on.
A big problem, especially for men, is that we are never really taught to deal with our emotions. These are the sort of things you just learn by yourself: how to handle getting dumped, failure, and how to deal with our sadness. We often forget that our happiness, our very validation as human beings can only come from inside, from loving who we are. It's not just accepting who we are, it's loving who we are.
Self respect is something people preach about, but never really teach about. Self respect is about being OK with who you are, knowing your worth. It's about looking at yourself in the mirror and liking who you see. It's about knowing that no one can bring you down, because they can't. You won't let them. This is what we need to teach our sons and daughters, and the sooner, the better.
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