With Playstation month starting this Saturday, and the finale of this blog looming ever closer, it's time for me to write the LAST list article for this blog. This is the ranking for every Nintendo console ever. Onward...
WORST: Virtual Boy
I know for a fact none of you are surprised. The Virtual Boy was nothing short of a DISASTER; it gave players headaches, it was clunky, the graphics could make you blind, AND it hardly had any games in it! NEXT!
16. Game Boy Micro
The grand finale of the Game Boy line, it committed the cardinal sin of NOT being backwards compatible with either the Game Boy or the Game Boy Color. It is this glaring lack of such an important feature that causes me to consider the Micro a separate gaming system. Get it out of here!
15. Pokemon Mini
Is this a Digivice? Nope, it's a legit Pokemon based handheld system that plays like a weaker Game Boy classic and weighs a mere two ounces! What, you've never heard of it? That's because it was a more of a fad toy than a dedicated system.
14. Wii U
The Little System that Tried. I'm not saying it's a bad system per se, but damn. This thing went up against the Playstation 4, and lost. While its predecessor, the Wii, managed to give Nintendo fans nostalgia for when Nintendo was the #1 name in consoles, the Wii U was the slap that brought us all back to reality: Playstation was king, bitches. It had some good games, don't get me wrong, but not much in the "Game of the Year" department, save for maybe Splatoon and Breath of the Wild.
That's it for the contemptible systems! Now onto the good ones...
13. Game and Watch
These were a collection of dedicated LCD games from a time before the Game Boy. Most of them weren't half bad, but again, it's LCD games; the kind you could buy at a pharmacy for five dollars. Fair for their day, honestly.
12. Game Boy Color
I'M NOT SAYING THIS WAS A BAD SYSTEM, OK!? I'm saying that, in the grand scheme of Nintendo's proud tradition of innovating gaming with every console they release, the Game Boy Color kind of lags behind its brethren. It's a great system that pretty much codified backwards compatibility, but excepting the Second Generation of Pokemon games, the system lacked any games that truly left their mark in the world of gaming.
11. Game Boy Advance
The swan song of the Game Boy line (excepting the Micro). A system that was nearly as powerful as a Super Nintendo graphics wise, releasing a slew of classic games that have left their mark in gaming. The third generation of Pokemon, the Sonic Advance series (giving Sonic an at-the-time much needed return to 2D platform gaming) among others. A fantastic handheld.
10. Nintendo Gamecube
It had great games, don't get me wrong. But this is the system that lost BAD to the Playstation 2 AND the Xbox! I can excuse losing to the PS2, but the Xbox? But I suppose I can't fault it too badly. This IS the system that put the Super Smash Bros franchise onto the stage as a legitimate fighting game instead of the novelty its predecessor introduced it as. Add to that the debuts of such classic franchises as Pikmin and Animal Crossing, and you've got a system for the ages.
And now...the greats!
9- Nintendo 3DS
Pretty much to the Nintendo DS as to what the SNES was to the NES: the same principles, with better technology. Proudly bringing Pokemon to new heights of quality with the Sixth and Seventh generations, plus a slew of fantastic and unforgettable games both first and third party.
8- Nintendo DS
The system that pretty much reinvented handheld gaming. Brought upon a new Golden Age for Pokemon (which has yet to end), the best (and only) Princess Peach game, dozens of INSANELY good titles...this is a champ!
7- Nintendo Switch
Barely two years out on the market and already hailed as a force in the gaming world, the Switch is everything the Wii U needed to be and more!
6- Nintendo Wii
The system that brought Nintendo back on top, the toppler of the Playstation as king (temporarily), and one of the few gaming systems out there to get an ENTIRE TWO-PART episode of South Park dedicated to it. Let's be honest, how badly did you want a Wii: bad, REALLY bad, or worse than Eric Cartman?
And now...the legends. The Holy Quintet
5. Donkey Kong Arcade Game
The little cabinet that turned Nintendo from a card company in Japan to the video game Juggernaut of today. RESPECT!
4. Nintendo 64
Though it lost out to the Playstation in the console wars, the Nintendo 64 is still a mother fucking BEAST. Nah, forget the fact that this system introduced the Super Smash Bros franchise to the world, that it saw the successful leap to 3D of no less than THREE franchises, or the fact that it boasts some of the greatest games ever made. No, what makes the 64 one of the greatest systems ever is the fact that it houses the ONE game to codify how to do a perfect 3D platformer: Super Mario 64. Eat your heart out, Sega!
3. Super Nintendo Entertainment System
The NES, but super. The system that humiliated the competition. "Oh, you've got 64 bit graphics? You've got a blast processor? 3D graphics? Cute; I've got the good games that people actually enjoy playing. Oh, you've got Sonic? I've got Mario, Star Fox, Metroid, Donkey Kong Country, etc. But hey, Sonic, right?"
2. Game Boy
The seed with which Nintendo sprout its monopoly on the handheld market for more than two decades. No more words are needed.
1. Nintendo Entertainment System
All hail the NES: the system that SAVED the video game industry in the US. Xbox? Playstation? They wouldn't be what they are today if not for THIS bad boy. The NES is right up there with Pong and the Atari 2600 as part of the Pantheon of Gaming Consoles. All glory to the NES!
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